Here I am putting my heart on my sleeve (or in a blog post), because welcome into my crazy mind. This writing is for me. I have been editing it for a while now and finally feel comfortable enough to post. Here are my thoughts, but you gotta listen to the lyrics of this song. Just listen.
If you can hear what im telling you in this song, it is that right in this moment I am home. Because I feel safe. Italics mean to read the word gently, bold means I reeaaalllllly mean it.
I want to speak on the topic of instagram. The good, the bad, the ugly, and why I embrace it all. I literally love (but not obsess over) instagram because it is the one reason I am the person I am today: home and safe. I am about to go deep so take whatever you want from this post. Listen to lyrics of a song that make you feel safe while reading (i have to do that while i edit) What i hope you read from this is that I love it, and I love everything in it. And mostly because I love all my followers enough to let you into my thought process.We are all here on this earth to give someone freedom. I am learning to give Bobby freedom to do whatever he wants with his life. And time to go live mine (we are happily married)I have to go bullet point by bullet point to make sense of instagram so bear with me or log off this blog whenever you want haha I dont care either way. My posts can be long cause i want to get a lot off my mind. We are here to over-analyze everything, to me that word means researching it, asking it questions. Without research (and notes) we wouldnt get intelligence right?
INSTAGRAM AND ME HAVE A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP:*and please dont read too deep into this, I am trying to be as general as possible.
- First reason I love it and hate it: I used to get SO offended if my husband wouldn't post a photo of me surfing. And then guess what: he posts about me whenever he feels like it. And that makes me 10 times happier.
- I used to think i HAD to experience that sandwich from that one place that famous person posted about right away. And then we got to New York and we didn't have time haha that actually still bothers me, so I'll put it in the general bucket list. (i gotta have that colorful bagel, it might not taste good but let me do it haha) - I may not even post a photo about it, so maybe it will end up in stories.
- Writing too me reminds me what I have to get done. But sometimes I would feel like if I wrote a long caption NO ONE would read it cause why would they? I was a pretty boring person haha. But that's not true, my grandma reads each and every one of them...love you Gma.
- I would come off as crazy (am i sounding crazy right now?) GOOD. I am embracing whatever crazy I want to be at the moment. Freak yes.
- I couldn't follow my religion's instagram because those non-mormons would see I follow @lds and I couldnt offend my followers if they dont like the church. And how sad is that, I was just offended that the lds religion put rules on me that I didn't understand their reasons behind those walls they were putting up for me. Guess what my recent followers list are instagrams I am just discovering.
- Talking about walls, I had a barrier with a friend because he blew up over night and I kept asking what I was doing wrong and what he was doing right and getting confused all at the same time. Like what is wrong with that way of thinking? He was my best friend. And guess what we went to coffee just for fun and I realized he didn't care about instagram truly so he had to make a different account to love his artwork again. Yay him.
- So I can go make a private account for myself now and hide away from everyone and selectively chose who follows it...and i might. Actually thats a good idea haha, then I can send my friends my funniest sides of me that I am not ready to show my other "followers"
- I was so scared this woman I loved would never want to work with me because I wasn't good enough haha guesss whatttt! She found me somehow right after I talked about her in high regard to a friend! AHHH shes the best i hope someday she reaches out. Cause she's never in one place at one time. Maybe i gotta bring her to Hawaii somehow, but not yet cause my talent hasn't progressed enough.
- I was so scared of people asking me what paints I used cause then they would copy me. I am so happy they did cause they made it beautiful in their own way, and someday on my story ill show you guys how amazing they are, but I'm not there yet.
- I love it because I can be free to be justbree. The Bree I want to be in the moment. The rawest most "do-whatever-I-want" version of myself. Now no one can hold me back
- When I say I am growing thicker skin, I am. People can hate on me, but guess what: I want them to ask themselves the question: your problem doesnt lie with me, it lies with your insta world. Change it. Stop following certain people or scroll past if its a difficult photo to look at.
- We have the choice to be nice or the choice to hate or be mean. I have now learned I would rather be nice, because I have caused drama or tension on social media in the past. It can BLOW up in my face & I can hide from that explosion or go say I am sorry..
- I embrace this island for loving me enough to let me paint her oceans, just like sri lanka loved me enough to paint hers. Thank you Hawaii, but I feel a pull and push. I wont leave you forever but its time to escape hawaii to explore somewhere else. I have no clue where yet.
- Family instagrams: ughhhh right? wrong haha those woman have it figured out, because their little human beings crawling on them asking for their attention on their phone make them stop what they are doing. Those sweet innocent souls. Teaching lesons of insta world in their own home.
- I am almost done here cause I don't care to dive deeper into this subject. Maybe tomorrow I will, but a couple more things:
- I am scared to post photos of me surfing because the woman who surfs better than me will judge me. They will think I think I'm better at surfing than I actually am... hahah thats mostly true..I fake it till I make it when it comes to surfing. #sorrynotsorry
- Hashtags are good, I'm trying to announce something because it will turn blue haha. Captions are all one color and the color blue is my version of bold.
- The photos I post are beautiful to me. I like to be aesthetically pleased in life. I see everything in color, again I am sorry if you dont like your feed to look pretty in all senses of the word.
- Right now I don't feel like posting photos of me doing yoga handstands cause I physically haven't done a handstand in ages. So i am physically not strong enough to hold it for 20 photos of myself.
- K im close to done, one more thing, I used to shy away from posting photos of the island, but if someone KINDLY comes to me and asks me to not drone their mountains, you bet I listen to them and respect them and guess what, we both will never benefit from that possible drone photo. AND THATS TOTALLY OKAY. Yeah I could have thought "damn, how rude of them" haha but then I put myself in their shoes and understanding trumps confusion.
- I used to never post photos of my smiling face, all us woman understand this right? Selfies=bad because the Kardashians gets so much heat for being self absorbed. Bummer I guess we wont see your smiling face tonight. But oh well, hopefully tomorrow.
"just keep swimming"